Dynasty Warriors Pickup Lines
by Lolsnake9
Summary: The mighty Chinese warriors of old get to show some of the lamest (or the greatest) pickup lines of all time! Oneshot


**Dynasty Warriors Pickup Lines**

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 **The mighty Chinese warriors of old get to show some of the lamest (or the greatest) pickup lines of all time!  
**

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Shu

Zhao Yun: My spear is unequaled! And I'm not just talking about my weapon!

Guan Yu: Everybody knows me as the Lord of Magnificent Beard, but hey, you haven't known my other areas with magnificent beards yet…

Zhang Fei: My voice was known to instill fear in the hearts of my enemies, but can my voice also instill love in your heart?

Zhuge Liang: You know what, just by looking at you awakened my 'sleeping dragon'!

Liu Bei: So, would you like to join me in my quest for world of benevolence?

Ma Chao: I know you haven't got a partner in this Valentine yet…so let me be your partner, so that I will bring you justice!

Huang Zhong: I may be old, but hey, I too was a veteran in banging ladies!

Jiang Wei: I…I hope I'm trustworthy enough for you to give your heart to me…

Pang Tong: I chained Cao Cao ships during Chibi, but will you allow me to chain my heart into yours?

Wei Yan: You…pretty. I…love…you. You…me…together. Me…happy,

Yueying: So , I just made this robotic model of you. I made it because I don't want you to rot when you die and be lost in time…

Guan Ping: What if I say that my big-ass sword ISN'T overcompensation?

Xingcai: I love you! Okay, there, I said it. Go away! I don't want to stare any longer at you!

Liu Shan: Ah, perfect! I was just searching for a partner, and you're here! What do you say if we go 'play' around?

Ma Dai: So, would you mind if I paint a picture of you? I want to produce a _magnum opus_ before I die….

Guan Suo: Do you want to know why I wear this flower? I picked this flower because it's the most beautiful flower I've ever seen, and I want to give it to someone of equal beauty. So…will you accept this flower?

Bao Sanniang: I am willing to be your kittycat forever!

Xu Shu: So...um…I hope you don't mind having a loser for a boyfriend….

Zhang Bao: So, will you be my sworn sister? Uh, no! It's not incest, I swear!

Guan Xing: Come with me, and I will take you flying across the sky!

Guan Yinping: So, will you come with me to build some muscles? Hey, I can withstand everything!

Fa Zheng: You! You just stole my heart, and I'll make sure I'll pay you what you deserve!

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Wu

Zhou Yu: Everybody's been calling me 'The Beautiful Zhou', but I know that you deserve that title better!

Taishi Ci: I've got two sticks that I use to beat people around. And, let me tell you, you'll be the first to see the third one…

Lu Xun: Ah, you're just like fire; you're hot and make me happy!

Sun Shangxiang: Umm…will you come with me? I hope you don't mind all the weapons I have in my apartment…

Sun Jian: Hey, do you know that this month's the tigers' mating season?

Sun Quan: A capable ruler must have a perfect woman to accompany him. Will you accompany me in my conquest for Wu?

Lu Meng: Wow, gee, so there IS a positive effect in studying! I get to learn that you're the prettiest lady I've ever seen!

Gan Ning: Oh, my! You must be the most precious booty I've ever seen!

Huang Gai: I smashed my ship into Cao Cao's ships at Chibi, but now I'll smash my body into yours!

Sun Ce: Everybody's been calling me 'The Little Conqueror', but let me tell you that not every part of me is little!

Daqiao: So, umm…are you sure nobody's watching?

Xiaoqiao: Aww! I regret that I was born too late that we aren't of the same age!

Zhou Tai: I promise I will be your eternal bodyguard.

Ling Tong: Hm, this is a cold weather indeed. Say, do want us to share my scarf?

Ding Feng: Your beauty is truly like a misty waterfall in a spring; freshening and a sight to behold.

Lianshi: So, do you want me to 'take care' of you?

Lu Su: Do you want to know why I took gardening? So that I could grow the prettiest flowers and give them to you…

Han Dang: I will always engrave your name in my heart! So please don't forget me, okay?

Zhu Ran: Woo! Are you oil? Cuz you make the burning passion in my heart even stronger!

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Wei

Xiahou Dun: Do you know why I hate having one eye? Because that means I can't see how truly beautiful you are…

Dian Wei: As long as I'm here, nobody will get you! Even after my death!

Xu Zhu: Mmm, you look just delicious!

Cao Cao: My ambition cannot be stopped! That includes my ambition to get YOU!

Xiahou Yuan: So, do you want me to shoot my heart and your heart together? Hey, I never miss my mark, you know!

Zhang Liao: So, do you think you can withstand my warrior might?

Xu Huang: I will reach the peak of true might!...so, will you be there with me to see the entire world from it?

Zhang He: Ah, what a splendid butterfly I see! You're the greatest beauty I've ever seen!

Zhenji: So, would you like to dance to my finest tune ever yet?

Cao Ren: Please, I promise to eternally become your unbreakable shield!

Cao Pi: Would you allow me to freeze you? Because I'd like to preserve such magnificent beauty…

Pang De: Hey! You're so pretty, I think I'm gonna die in this coffin!

Cai Wenji: So, would you allow me to write a poem about you? I want the future generations to know how you stole my heart…

Jia Xu: I sent a smudged letter to get my enemy to come with me, but will my love letter to you do the same?

Wang Yi: Um…will you…will you aid me in my quest for vengeance?

Guo Jia: Ah! 'tis a perfect weather to fall in love! Because with you around, even a rainy day could become sunny!

Yue Jin: Baby, you got me hooked on you!

Li Dian: What is this feeling? I've got a feeling that you'll be my girlfriend!

Yu Jin: I don't want you to come near me. Why? Because your beauty cause me to lose focus and indiscipline!

Xun Yu: I don't want you to become my Duchess, nor my Queen…I just want you to become my life companion!

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Jin

Sima Yi: If you're so beautiful that I instantly forgot my job and do nothing but think of you, would that make you an imbecile?

Sima Shi: You're just like baozi: You're tasty and made me obsessed with you!

Sima Zhao: Meh, I'm just too lazy to fall in love today…will you do it first to me?

Deng Ai: You know that I have a complete understanding of terrains, so I could figure out the perfect place for our honeymoon!

Wang Yuanji: I…I…tch! You idiot! Don't make me say anything embarrassing!

Zhong Hui: Whoa? What is this? Someone who could rival me in beauty? What are you, a mirror?

Zhuge Dan: So, um…will you allow me to be your dog? I'll come to you when you call for me, I'll let you pet me everyday, I'll do everything you order at me!

Xiahou Ba: I love you! But, just wait 'till I grow up a bit, okay?

Guo Huai: I heard that hugs could be medicine…so, will you hug me and cure me?

Jia Chong: Would you like me to suck your blood?

Wen Yang: Let me lift you and show you the wonders of the world!

Zhang Chunhua: So, do you want me to put these wires into good use?

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Other

Diaochan: Will you join me in my 'dance'?

Lu Bu: So, can YOU provide me with a decent 'challenge'?

Dong Zhuo: Come with me, and I can give you my paradise!

Yuan Shao: A noble must have a proper lady to accompany him wherever he goes to show his glory. And I've finally found you, the one who can truly show the nobility of the exalted Yuan family!

Zhang Jiao: The Heavens have intended us to be together!

Meng Huo: Everyone else's got 'horses' to make you happy, but I've got 'elephants'!

Zhurong: My, aren't you hot! And know that I have an affinity for everything fiery!

Zuo Ci: I can do magic and tricks of every kind! Which one do you want?

Chen Gong: I want everyone in the world to know my talents! This is why I have to make every strategy available to have you as my lover!

Lu Lingqi: So, you know Lu Bu, right? The greatest warrior in the land who can rip everyone barehanded. So, umm…I hope you don't mind having him as a father-in-law?

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Yeah, so what if Valentine Day's over? You may even want to use some of these when attempting to hit a pretty lady at next year's Valentine Day. Oh well, please review, and good day! Oh, and, kudos to whoever got some of the jokes.


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